Great Grandma Kato's Death Anniversary Ceremony

The real reason behind the trip to Japan was Great Grandma Kato's death anniversary ceremony, which took place on Sunday, November 25. The family was kind enough to schedule the ceremony around our schedule so that Maki and his family (the rest of us) could attend.

Maki's grandmother, Kazuko Kato, died last December 2011, shortly before Christmas. Maki and his dad flew to Tokyo for the ceremony and cremation, while the boys and I flew as planned to San Francisco to spend the holidays with my family.

The Buddhist custom in Japan is to hold a ceremony one year after the death. The ceremony can be held before the death anniversary, but not after, which is why we flew to Japan during CJ's Thanksgiving break and not his Christmas break.

The morning of the ceremony was bright, blue and beautiful. We took the subway to Grandma's house, where the ceremony was to be held. Two of Maki's aunts still live in the house, which was divided long ago into two homes. Aunt Hiroko and Hiroko live in Grandma's side, while Aunt Keiko and her husband live in the other side.

The ceremony was presided over by a Buddhist monk, who turned out to this great, funny, jovial guy. The family and monk sat in the living room and dining room. Yoko and Keiko had created a little altar with candles and pictures of Grandma Kato.

MJ and I ended up missing the ceremony because after a few minutes, MJ got a little fussy. He wasn't crying, but he was talking a lot, commenting on the room and the dog (Hiroko's dog was in a crate in the corner), asking questions about the people, yada, yada. So MJ and I took a long walk outside, checked out the neighborhood, visited the family grave, and played outside.

Maki and CJ attended the ceremony, which apparently had a lot of chanting and incense. CJ said he didn't understand a word since it was all in Japanese but he didn't seem to mind.

After the ceremony in the house, we all went to the family grave and each family member stood in front of the grave, bowed, pinched a bit of something onto the grave (the monk had little pinch boxes filled with herbs or something), then bowed again.

Family graves in Japan are interesting. They pass on to the eldest son and his family. This grave was started by Maki's grandfather, who was the second son. Maki's grandmother is now buried there. Maki's dad and mom will be buried there. If we wish, Maki and I can be buried there, along with CJ, his future wife and oldest son, if he has one. MJ, on the other hand, as the second son, will have to start his own grave.

After the ceremony, we went to lunch at the American Restaurant, which was Grandma Kato's favorite restaurant. When she was alive, during every visit, we would have dinner with her there, with the exception of our previous visit, when she was already in the nursing home. The American Restaurant is known for their ribs and boy are they great over here!

It was our own opportunity to see all of Maki's relatives. Tak's siblings were all there and most of Maki's cousin attended as well. 

 

Here's a photo of Aunt Yoko with the Buddhist monk.

 Here's Koji with his beautiful and pregnant wife.

We sat next to three of Grandma Kato's cousins, who turned out to be really interesting. One was born in Japan, another in London.

Here's Dr. Kato with Dr. Fumihiko Inoue (Maki's cousin through Aunt Yoko) and his wife.

Here's Akabane san and Aunt Keiko.

Here's Fumihiko, Fumihiko's wife and the beautiful Hiroko. Hiroko was so kind and amazing on this trip. She traveled to Nara with us, she organized the dinner with the cousins and she helped us with the lost backpack (the topic of another blog post).

MJ was really good during lunch. He sat mostly quietly on my lap and ate everything in sight.

Here's Maki's dad with his sister Yoko.